a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
