She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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