My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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