Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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