i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How does one acquire holy water?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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