What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
