Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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