bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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