It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
