I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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