1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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