you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
