Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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