So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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