it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
