the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
my liver is dry heaving
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