My liver just broke up with me...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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