I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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