I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I understand Curling. That high.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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