I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
