A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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