I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
