One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
