I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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