You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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