my vag is so smooth its legendary
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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