I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
