The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
