Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
