I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
