Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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