Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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