ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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