Your mouth is God's brothel.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
