This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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