theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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