Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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