So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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