So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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