i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
