Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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