Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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