hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
