In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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