The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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