I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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