Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
