and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
