Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
