I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
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I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny