i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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