I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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