wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
