That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
