He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
A bitchslap is in order.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
