I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
