I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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