im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
