don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
