Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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