I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
