can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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