my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just google imaged poop.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
