i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
