I'm lost and stupid without you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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