you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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