fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
