wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
