You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
