I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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