Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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