Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
