Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
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I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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