you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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