I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
