I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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