I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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