I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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